Would you let your 15 year old’s boyfriend spend the night?

Posted by angela on 07/6/07 in Domestic Ramblings

I had heard that her parents let her friend down the street spend the night. I thought it was odd and wrote it off as some sort of understanding between the families since *Fred and *Anne had been playing together since they were two years old. It didn’t sound right to me but who am I to question this type of behavior.

Then I find out that *Anne’s parents not only let her friends spend the night (which is not unusual at all) but they let her boyfriends spend the night too! I don’t know about you guys but I am totally and completely and utterly disgusted by this!

What’s even more difficult is trying to get young people to see why this isn’t the correct way to behave? How can we teach them the right way to behave when other kid’s parents are too busy being their friends instead of their parents.

Would you let your 15 year old’s boyfriend spend the night? I sure as heck would NOT and I won’t allow my kids to do any such thing OR to spend time with people who’s parents don’t care about what their kids are doing.

I only get to have my daughter in my life under my guidance for a short amount of time before she goes out into the world and I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if I’m going to let her spend time with kids like that.

What would you do?

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109 Comment(s)

Gayla McCord | Jul 6, 2007 | Reply

Not just no but HELL NO!
ptg | Jul 6, 2007 | Reply

Bad idea. Unless you like raising grandkids.
Laura | Jul 6, 2007 | Reply

Just seeing the headline, my first reaction was NO, NO, and NO!!!

I also say no to co-ed sleepovers.
Dana | Jul 6, 2007 | Reply

Aww, but coed sleepovers are all the rage. And you know kids are going to experiment no matter what, so it may as well be under your supervision…

Seriously, though, we wonder what’s the matter with kids today. All we have to do to find out is look at their parents for the most part.
Char | Jul 7, 2007 | Reply

Absolutely NO WAY! No way.
angela | Jul 7, 2007 | Reply

Uh no, the experimintation will not be under my supervision. This girl and her parents have absolutely no high moral standards whatsoever.

We don’t allow our daughter to have anything to do with her OR her family one-on-one any more. For lots of very good reasons that I haven’t spelled out in this post either.

This girls parents are nuts! They talk about her friends and they complain about her friends’ parents and that’s all fine but what type of example are they setting for all the kids?

Our stance remains the same. Absolutely no boyfriends and no co-ed sleep overs!! No Way!! No, No, and Hell No!!
Rebecca | Jul 7, 2007 | Reply

I totally agree - NO WAY!!!
Calvin Warr | Jul 8, 2007 | Reply

call me old-fashioned… but… NO WAY!
Rae | Jul 8, 2007 | Reply

hey uhh take it from a teenager. NO! I don’t even know why a girl would want a guy to sleepover. It would be awkward and to much of a temptation to do the wrong thing.
Phil | Jul 9, 2007 | Reply

Now I don’t know exactly how old I was when I was allowed to stay at my girlfriend’s house, or her at mine, but we were certainly teenagers.

It has done us no harm, our parents are not grandparents and we now in our 8th year together, having been to different universities, and are living together.

I don’t think you should be answering “NO!” straight away, you must consider the strength of relationship and the whether or not the teenagers involved are responsible enough to spend the night together without doing something stupid.

And by stupid I mean unprotected sex, if they have been together for any reasonable length of time, then they probably have already had sex. You don’t need to stay over to do that!

Trust and the giving of responsibilities like allowing boy/girlfriends to stay over is something that can strengthen a relationship between the couple and the parents too.
angela | Jul 9, 2007 | Reply

I have a feeling that self respect is going to be a very hard lesson to learn in THAT home.
Jen | Jul 9, 2007 | Reply

Actually, at 17 my mother DID let my boyfriend spend the night, and I turned out fine. If it’s sex you’re worried about, teenagers will find a place to do it (in a car, under bleachers, in a bathroom if needs be), so it’s not like a parent who allows that situation is providing an opportunity that didn’t exist otherwise. But more than that, not allowing a boyfriend to stay over does communicate a lack of trust between parent and child. In my case, I was so happy to not have to send the boyfriend packing at 11pm that I involved my mother a lot more in my life, and DIDN’T take advantage of her trust.
Jo | Jul 9, 2007 | Reply

I hate to shock you but I’m afraid I have to… I completely agree with Gayla. Don’t fain!!

Definately not only no but HELL NO!! I won’t even allow my 16yo to be alone in his room with his girlfriend so no way Jose!
angela | Jul 11, 2007 | Reply

I know of a 16 and 17 year old couple that are still in high school. She just gave birth to a baby girl a few weeks ago. They gave her up for adoption and then they changed their minds and wanted the baby back 3 days later. The adoption agency told then no and that it is too late, they already signed the papers. At 16 and 17 KIDS should not have to go through these adult issues. There is school to think about and trying to figure out who you are without all the added pressures. While a couple of you were permitted to have your boyfriends OR girlfriends spend the night that is fine for you, yes you turned out fine, but why tempt it? It has nothing to do with trust. It’s about providing an extra opportunity and additional temptation. It’s not going to happen in my house with my blessing.
Debbie | Jul 11, 2007 | Reply

oh my gosh—a big NO from me here. I have 5 kids, all grown but 1 young teen at home… no, I don’t think it’s a good idea at all.
Canuckguy | Jul 11, 2007 | Reply

I’m a baby boomer and witnessed social changes as many of you have. When I was in high school(65-67), premartial sex was much frowned upon by parents though the high school guys would have loved it (ones like me who did NOT get lucky in high school would have liked it also) but it did not seem to be common. When I started university, shacking up (as it was called then) was frowned upon for sure by parents.

So there has been a lot of changes since the mid sixties in social mores. My daughter was one of the few who exited high school(1999) a virgin but she wasted no time getting rid of it in university (she tells me stuff). So that’s the both of us leaving high school a virgin. A rarity these days except maybe in Utah. Virginity is not prized anymore except with Mormans, Muslims, Hindus, and some other non-Christian cultures.(don’t jump on me for slighting Mormans, it’s debatable whether they are Christians or a cult but they have good moral values and if my daughter ever brought a Morman home(will never happen however), I would shrug and think she could do a lot worse.

Now after telling you more than you really wanted to hear, to answer your question: No way would I allow my daughter to sleep overnight with a boyfriend at my house. She just got her own place a year ago when she was 24. After universtity graduation she lived at her mother’s(we are divorced) and stayed with me every second weekend out of habit but the ruled stood and she understood and she never even whined about it. Her mother however allowed her boyfriend to sleep over. Since he was an out-of-towner, it was not too often. I guess fathers are more uptight than mothers on this issue. Maybe if she was married, maybe then I might relax the rule, might.
Danyiell | Jul 11, 2007 | Reply

I agree with the majority concensus, HELL NO!! And to those that claim that they turned out fine, I wouldn’t call it fine to say that you grew up with parents who didn’t mind giving you a place to do “it.” A responsible parent is a parent who says heck no and answers those that say “they’ll find a place to do it anyway,” with a “not in my house.” Our responsiblity is to make it hard as hell to do just that, and when they do it, to hold them responsible for their actions.

I am a parent, not a friend of my child. My children, and children in general need guidance, and that, my friends, is why parents are parents. My oldest is super responsible, but does that mean he wouldn’t do anything if his girlfriend was over? Heck no. He will do anything he can get away with, because he is a horny little teenager. Thats the way it is. I will not, no thats too nice, there is now way in HELL that I will make it easy for him.

And by the way, my husbands mom let me spend the night over her house when I was 17, and I was smart enough not to. It just doesn’t send the right message to a teenager to allow them that much freedom.
Danyiell | Jul 11, 2007 | Reply

Oh and being responsible isn’exactly the teenagers part, but the parents. And to say that being responsible is having protected sex is an example of why a teenager shouldn’t have that kind of responsiblity. Being responsible is when a parent takes their responsibility to their children serious enough to set boundaries. And if you are or were responsible enough to have your girlfriend or boyfriend over, then you should be responsible enough to realize that it isn’t a good idea. And protected sex isn’t responsible, abstinence is. Your responsible when you are willing to stand by your actions, and in my house,only adults that pay the rent are allowed to partake in adult decisions. And before you go and say that my teenagers won’t talk to me because I am antiquated or anything else, I just want you to know that my children talk to me all the time, and I talked to and still talk to my parents all the time about whatever I need to, so that line won’t work.
Phil | Jul 12, 2007 | Reply

Danyiell: Wow! What a viewpoint! You probably needed a sit down after that vent!

Speaking of responsibility, you said:

And if you are or were responsible enough to have your girlfriend or boyfriend over, then you should be responsible enough to realize that it isn’t a good idea. And protected sex isn’t responsible, abstinence is.

Are you trying to say that the only reason to have sex is for reproduction? I really see no reason to ban sex, what is so wrong with it? It is a natural thing to do, not only for adults. When did you come up with the idea that paying rent means you can have sex?

A responsible parent is a parent who says heck no and answers those that say “they’ll find a place to do it anyway,” with a “not in my house.”

Not in your house? Where then? A friend’s? A party? A public toilet? Surely it is better to conduct any experimentation in a safe environment?

You followed the above comment with this:

Our responsiblity[sic] is to make it hard as hell to do just that, and when they do it, to hold them responsible for their actions.

However filled your second comment with the following:

Oh and being responsible isn’exactly the teenagers part, but the parents…Your[sic] responsible when you are willing to stand by your actions, and in my house,only adults that pay the rent are allowed to partake in adult decisions.

You are going to hold your children responsible for their actions that you claim they have no responsibility for? That in fact it is your responsibility to not allow them to? You seem to be going around in circles.

Have your teenagers had sex? Have they told you about it?
Matt Keegan | Jul 18, 2007 | Reply

Why does a 15 year old have a boyfriend in the first place? To set her up for heartache?
angela | Jul 18, 2007 | Reply

I think the kids should just hand out with their friends and go out on dates in groups. To me, that is more fun!

My 15 year old isn’t officially dating anybody at this time. She keeps telling me that she likes to be single and without any pressures.

That’s really not a bad thing!
R. | Aug 14, 2007 | Reply

:O adults are so boring.

i’m staying over at my boyfriends house tonight and i know we won’t do anything illegal because why would we want to? i’m 14 and so is he, and we’re definitely not stupid. i consider my boyfriend a FRIEND as well, and i love spending time with him. i know so many people my age who feel the same but their parents won’t allow them to sleep over at a boys house. adults should trust us more, this is 2007 and we’re teenagers, not sex maniacs! loosen up guys x
angela | Aug 14, 2007 | Reply

Why do you need to spend the night at your boyfriend’s house in order to spend time with him and hang out? It doesn’t fly with me and I won’t apologize for it either.
Janelle | Aug 17, 2007 | Reply

I feel like staying the night over depends mostly on how mature you feel your child is. I just turned 18, and have been sleeping over my boyfriend’s house (and vice versa) for several years - I feel like this is mostly because of the relationship my mother and I share, and it started with him sleeping on another floor of the house, with my brother. My parents also believe that the teenagers will find a way, with or without a roof over their heads.

Perhaps parents don’t remember what they were like when they were teens? Teens Freak Out over the idea of getting pregnant (most of them anyhow) and good communication between parents and their children is totally necessary. I have NEVER had unprotected sex, and I think that’s mostly due to my parent’s constant chatter about it, and how dangerous it is (and I thank them for it :))

When my boyfriend stays over, he sleeps in my bed (past… year maybe?), both completely clothed and with the door open - my parents don’t even ask for the door to be open, I just do that to make them feel better. Maybe this is my maturity level coming into play? Probably also because my relationship with my boyfriend (three years) has low sexuality, high in cuddling
angela | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply

“I feel like staying the night over depends mostly on how mature you feel your child is.”

This statement sounds a bit contradictory, doesn’t it?

I have to commend you that at least you were smart about making sure the sex you were having was always protected. I’m assuming that you have had sex because that’s the impression that I have based on what you wrote. I don’t believe for a second that you did nothing more than a lot of quality cuddling.

I’m sad about that actually because I believe your parents have sent you the message that premarital sex OR sex before you are ready is ok and that if it feels good it’s ok to just do it.

I have to tell you that even if the sex OR “cuddling” you are participating in has always been protected you are still at great risk for sexually transmitted infections.

#1 a condom doesn’t cover the entire genital area leaving it possible to contract STDS from skin to skin contact under the right circumstances and

#2 condoms are not without flaws. It’s possible to use one that has expired, has a hole in it, or was used incorrectly thus leading to unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases in some circumstances.

You will not find my empowering my kids to spend the night with members of the opposite sex. I don’t believe for a second that it’s part of child rearing.

Thanks for your comment!
MC | Aug 20, 2007 | Reply

take it from a teenager,
it’s really no big deal.
I have sleepovers with boys all the time, we even sleep in the same bed.
We just stay up, play video games, and watch movies.
Theres no drinking, drugs, or anything sexual at all.
my dad isnt too crazy about the idea, but my mom and i have a great relationship and its good to know that she trusts me.
WE arent as stupid as you adults think.
angela | Aug 21, 2007 | Reply

Nobody said that YOU OR that TEENS are stupid. However, I do have to wonder what in the heck your parents are thinking!? There is absolutely no reason to stay up, play video games, and watch movies until all hours of the night. These are things you can do during the day time. At night you need to be in your house and in your bed!
Josh | Aug 22, 2007 | Reply

NO no way you should allow a co-ed sleepover.. i wouldn’t go as far as not letting them talk anymore though.. :/
Joff | Aug 22, 2007 | Reply

Angela

From a tired old Dad of four kids, I’d just like to say that your faith in abstinence, while touching, is entirely misplaced. It’s the worst contraceptive plan out there. To understand this, you need to make sure you distinguish between a plan and an outcome. Starting from your contraceptive plan, you may come to any outcome. The results from the field say that the abstinence plan produces more pregnancies and diseases than any other plan.

So consider carefully before you pour scorn on other contraceptive plans, especially condoms, because you may be deying your child the best chance they have of avoiding problems.
MC | Aug 23, 2007 | Reply

to angela’s reply to my comment:
It’s just fun to hang out constantly and i do sleep at home, just with other people at my house.
its just cool too know that you can go to sleep and wake up and have your friend right there, ready to have fun.
i dont think it matters if it’s a boy or a girl.

I’m a virgin and i plan on staying that way for while, co-ed sleepovers are fun.

end of story.

if a teenager wants to be stupid and do illegal things at co-ed sleepovers thats their issue and they can learn the hard way.

also i think that’s discrimination because girls at sleepovers can do illegal things too. they can even do sexual stuff if they really wanted. and nobody seems to be complaining about that.
angela | Aug 24, 2007 | Reply

Joff,

You are lecturing the wrong person when it comes to abstinence and contraceptive plans that are out there.

I do not believe in an abstinence only program. I believe our kids need to be educated about all of it.

To teach them only one side of it is not realistic and in many cases unsafe.

MC,

You are still a kid. So I take no issue with you. I still do not believe that it’s ok for boys to sleep with girls and vice versa.
Lola | Sep 23, 2007 | Reply

You have to trust your child!!
angela | Sep 24, 2007 | Reply

This has absolutely NOTHING to do with trust.
R. | Oct 27, 2007 | Reply

seriously I cannot believe how het up some of you are getting! its like ARGH adults always think they’re right about everything, when the argument is confronting a child or teenager. for goodness sake we teens are human too, we can make up our minds, and i hate the fact that people in this world will consider my parents not up to scratch just because they can see things from multiple view points. yes you were all teenagers once, but not in 2007 and therefore you will not and cannot understand fully how our minds work, and therefore should not act like you do.
angela | Oct 28, 2007 | Reply

When you grow up and figure out what you are going to do with your life and you possibly have your own kids… you will understand where some of us are coming from. But then again maybe you won’t since your parents don’t care about teaching you right from wrong. I would venture to guess “R.” that you have already had sex and have bragged about being on birth control to all of your friends.
amanda | Nov 1, 2007 | Reply

ive only had my boyfriend sleep over when he has been invited along family trips. we’ve been together almost 3 years, and i started accompanying him on trips when i was 15, with parents present and all. im 18 now, and he and i still go with each others family out of town sometimes, and we usually sleep in the same room, different beds, or in the same bed if there is no room. im not sure what my parents would say if i wanted him to sleep over on a normal weekend at home, but i dont know why they wouldnt let him. my parents are awesome, and have done an amazing job in raising me, have never said premarital sex is okay in any way, but respect the relationship i am in and are supportive of us. they know we are in love without me having to tell them. i refuse to agree with the opinion that parents who let their kids have co-ed sleepovers are immoral. if the kids arent doing anything wrong, and the parents have trust, its their decision. why should ONE way of parenting be the only right way? sometimes kids need to figure things out for themselves. i totally disagree with sex that young, and if i were a parent and didnt trust my child, i would say hell no as well. it depends on the teenager.
angela | Nov 3, 2007 | Reply

I just don’t understand why people can’t sleep in their own houses and in their own beds. You’re supposed to be sleeping, right? So why not sleep in your own bed? I don’t get it.
Chase | Nov 6, 2007 | Reply

O god… if your child’s a douche who doesn’t know how babies are made, then do them a favour and prohibit them from not letting them sleep with their bf/gf or any other member of the opposite sex. If not, do them a favour and let them enjoy their youth.

I know… you’re afriad your child will ruin their lives you’ve spent so much time and money on. I know, but honestly, a little contraception and common sense is more than enough to prevent that.
angela | Nov 8, 2007 | Reply

Why can’t anybody just answer the question. The question is.. why can’t people just sleep in their own beds?

(Especially children)
amanda | Nov 8, 2007 | Reply

i agree with you. if unecessary, then the teen shouldnt do it. in my case, i have only done it when there was no room in the house for us to have different beds
Martin | Feb 5, 2008 | Reply

First of all..

Wow, what a site, this is great. You have so much content on here, it must take alot of work to keep it going. Awesome stuff. (One I am using as an example to show others what they SHOULD be doing with their own sites).

But just as I was on time off mode, I came across this post, and it made me want to reply

ABSOLUTELY NOT to letting my 15 year old daughter have her boyfriend spend the night.. Sorry if its old fashioned, but no way !

Martin
sam | Mar 18, 2008 | Reply

leave your freaking kids alone,
let them do what they want.
angela | Mar 19, 2008 | Reply

Uh no, I won’t be leaving my kids a lone. We have rules in our house that they will follow and if they don’t like the rules then they are more than welcome to leave when they become adults and have the know-how to do so.
katie | Mar 19, 2008 | Reply

I’m 15 and I have slept over my boyfreinds house before. Even though both his parents and my parents know we are not virgins, we did not do anything during the night because we didnt want to lie to our parents. It would be a big deal if the teenagers hadnt been going out for very long but if they are in love (and dont try and say thats impossible for someone so young, because its certainly not we have our emotions too) then I think its fine. Teenagers do have morals and are capable of controling their hormones, it’s nice to go to sleep having the last and first person you see and hear the person you love.
angela | Mar 20, 2008 | Reply

Teenagers with morals usually take the high road and listen to their parents. I’m sorry that your parents gave you permission to have sex with your boyfriend at such a young age.
katie | Mar 22, 2008 | Reply

They did not give me permission. I lost my virginity and then told them about it. It was not up to them and they were not part of my decision, only by what the morals and manners that they have taught me growing up were they an influence. And because of this we waited over a year untill we were completely and utterly sure we weren’t making the wrong decision.
I consider my boyfreind to be my best freind as well, with best freinds you have movie nights and sleep overs. Why does it have to be about sex?
angela | Mar 23, 2008 | Reply

Katie - you’ll understand everything when you are A LOT older. Right now you have no life experience to base it all on. Until then you should probably watch, listen, and learn.
ciara | Mar 24, 2008 | Reply

ok
ms. angela i respect ur arguement here
but just because you think teenz n kidz
think o therez a boy in
my bed lets have sex
that their going to do it
itz the same principal
y wuld u let 2 girlz sleep
together u may not know if their attracted,
if u dont LISTEN to them n just set RULE after rule
u n ur kidz relationship
my start deforming

how old do u think i am
Redoubt | Mar 24, 2008 | Reply

I realize that I am no longer young enough to know everything but…

NO.

People usually live long, sexually active lifetimes. If you miss out when you are 15 or 16, it will all still be there in the same spots when you are 30 or 35…
angela | Mar 24, 2008 | Reply

Ciara ~ if you are writing like THAT then I’m quite sure you are young. You need to watch, listen, and learn too.
Eliza | Apr 20, 2008 | Reply

hey. I am a 15 year old and i have been going out with my boyfriend for 6 months. We have not had sex but i think we will very soon. If you are going to allow your children to date which is of course perfectly natural so you should. Then unless they are planing to keep sex for marriage they are very likely to have sex and this is an issue that will be present from about the age of 15 onwards. It is a fact, (bare in mind i live in england where the age of consent is 16) that they may well be having sex and if you want them to talk about when they decide to have sex then you are going to have to accept it. If you do not permit them from having sex they will anyway but they will better informed about contraception than if they haven’t been able to talk to you about sex. Therefore, although it may be unconfortable for you, you are going to have to permit them to do this natural normal activity if they are in a loving relationship and sensible enough to use contraception because not allowing them to do it only means them going behind your back. If your religious views deny sex before marriage then i understand it is going to be so much harder for you but you can not inflict your religious views on your children they have to decide for themselves. Surely what is important is that your childs first time is safe and with someone they know and trust not how old they are and you will be far better equipt to insure this if they feel able to talk to you about it. Secondly, surely you would FAR FAR FAR prefer your daughter has sex in a bed with her boyfriend that in a park, public bathroom, hotel room, school?????? Also if you allow your daughter to stay over at her boyfriends house rather than go round there but leave late then it means she will be able to spend more time just talking to him and lying next to him than before and he will respect and trust and like her for her personality more than if she comes round fucks him and leaves. Secondly if you do not pick her up then not letting her stray means you are forcing her to wander the streets at night alone. You probably let your daughter walk at night in the streets but she is probably with all her friends and this is a lot safer than walking home from her boyfriends house because although he may walk her to the bus stop, if the journey is long he won’t take her all the way and therefore she will be in danger for this part of the journey. (My journey home is a hour and 2 buses and my parents don’t have a car.) Another point is that if you don’t want your daughter getting pregnant then you should put her on the pill and this involves acknowledging she is having sex.
If you allow your daughter to stay at boys houses that are not her boyfriend or sleep over with boys present then your daughter might end up (probably not having sex) but she is quite likely to get off with one of these boys or even give thenm a hand job and you may not want to think about that but she might some of my friends are definately like that. She wouldn even be going out with this boy and she may not even know him well she also might do this to a completely different boy at the next sleepover. If your letting her do that then why won’t you let her have sex in a loving relationship and be honest with you?
Ana | Apr 20, 2008 | Reply

Uhm. My mom let’s me sleepover my boyfriends and vice versa.. I’m 15 years old. It’s all about trust.
Ana | Apr 20, 2008 | Reply

Times have changed alot. I’m 15 and I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year. I know a lot of parents that let they’re teenagers sleepover their boyfriend/girlfriend’s house and they’e great parents. It’s not 1960 anymore and we’re not all christians..

GET OVER IT.
Redoubt | Apr 20, 2008 | Reply

“Times have changed alot. I’m 15 and I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year. I know a lot of parents that let they’re teenagers sleepover their boyfriend/girlfriend’s house and they’e great parents. It’s not 1960 anymore and we’re not all christians..

I am truly amazed.. and saddened.

So… we have 15 year old children now know everything we are too old to know?

The parents of these ‘children’ should be hauled into court and tried for negligence!

And as for the little arrogant rugrats who think that 15 is a good age to make these decisions… boy are you going to feel as stupid as you are when you get older.
Redoubt | Apr 20, 2008 | Reply

On a final note… every generation does this.

At an increasingly younger age with each passing, kids think they have enough life-experience to make critical choices. But more troubling than this is that today’s parents (using the term loosely), are willing to neglect their duties in favor of letting their crumb snatchers raise themselves.

The result is growing juvenile crime and pregnancy rates, and an increasingly ignorant population content to see the Jerry Springer types as role models.

But no, it is nothing new. The ‘teenage-stupids’ is an affliction we were all cursed with once. Of course, when one grows up some, recognizing the ‘stupids’ is a bit easier.

Parents – You were invented because kids need guidance. Otherwise, we could hatch these mini-morons from eggs and then send them on their way to play in traffic right away!
Lauren | Apr 23, 2008 | Reply

I’m 19 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. We’ve never had sex, we are both still virgins. All of you people immideately assuming that all teenagers have sex are wrong.

My boyfriend has spent the night at my house and vice versa, we sleep on seperate couches in my living room, and I’m yet to even have sex with him.

So, if you aren’t sure if your kids are having sex, then I understand, but don’t immideately assume that any parents that allow their teenagers to spend the night with their boy/girlfriend are terrible parents.
Emilly | Apr 28, 2008 | Reply

hey…please take this from a 16 yr old female who was in that same situation. My parents were like its better to have it under our supervision than somebody else’s. ANd you wanna know what????? IT WORKED OUT FINE!!!!!!!!!!! there was no temptation. nothing. it turned out fine. NOw im just trying to convince my parents to let me go stay at his. He lives 3 hrs away
angela | May 1, 2008 | Reply

Well Emily.. I think it was wrong of your parents to go in that direction.

Hi Lauren.. nobody said that having sex is wrong AND not all teens are having sex either. Yes, parents that allow their teens to have their boyfriend/girlfriend spend the night have made a poor choice.

And Ana.. I hope you realize the consequences of having sex at such a young age.

Mike if you’re reading.. do not expect to be able to voice your opinion over here if you are going to be belligerent and nasty. Same thing goes for your friends.
j | May 2, 2008 | Reply

ok… i may be following in my mom’s footsteps and all but i am 15 and spending the night over at your boyfriends is unacceptable… you are right though…if we want to do…than we will find a way..i did… but i am not spending the night over at his house… i have morals too!
jamiee | May 12, 2008 | Reply

i am nearly 16 and my parents never let me stay at any boys house whether i go out with him or not. if i even slightly suggest the idea to them they get very mad and say no straight away. i lost my virginity when i was 14 and since then have had sex with 6 people. most of my friends are allowed to stay at their boyfriends houses and hardly any of them have even lost their virginity and the ones who have it has been with their boyfriends and not just anyone. the girls whos parents give them more freedom do exactly what their parents say and want them to do and so they have very strong relationships with a lot of communication. the friends who have strict parents and arent allowed to do much end up being the ones lying about where there going and get in a lot of trouble when they get caught out. they also do things just to rebel against their parents silly rules. no matter what parents say kids are going to do what they want. the only difference is if you let them have more freedom and make some of their own descisions, they will be willing to tell you more about their life and if they have any troubles. for example if a child isnt alowed to drink and theres a party on where everyone is drinking they would lie about where there going and what there doing and if something goes wrong at the party they wont call you to tell you because they will be scared of your reaction (talking from experience). if you let them out to parties and allow them to drink a bit (depending on their age) if something goes wrong they will call and notify you without hesitation because they know that you know where they are and what there doing and you wont get mad that they havent told you anything. this is why i think that the more freedom you give your kids the closer relationship you have with them. you can be their friends aswell as their parents which would make both kids and parents lives more enjoybale.
girl | May 18, 2008 | Reply

I am 16 and was caught having my boyfriend sleep over; he was just sleeping in my bed. I expected my dad to freak out, but he ended up only laughing since I am normally a responsible daughter. I think when parents truly face this situation it is a different story from how they previous feel about the scenario.
alex | May 19, 2008 | Reply

I am 18 turning 19 in sept. the guy i like is different than alot of guys in that he has morals and thinks that sex should be saved til marriage. I agree. He is religious and his parents share the same views as he and i do. I have slept over his house, more b/c of church the next morning and it is a distance from where i live. (now an hour away cuz of summer). When i slept over, i slept in his bed, but he slept downstairs on the couch, and there was never really any issues.

I just wanted to say that sleeping over does not mean that sex is involved at all
Kristina | May 29, 2008 | Reply

I’m 19 years old and will turn 20 this year. In my opinion, everyone that has said times have changed are soo right, they have changed. BUT just because times are changing doesn’t mean that our parents should lower their standards about situations like this. I believe that parents lowering standards is the reason why times are changing soo much, and if we had more parents who stick to what they believe in, things such as this wouldn’t be a problem. I understand that there are certain circumstances such as vacations and such, but I don’t agree with 14 and 15 year old KIDS spending the night with the opposite sex. I’ve grown up in this generation and I wasn’t even able to DATE until I was 16 much less spend the night with a guy, so no one can tell me that this is normal, because it’s not, and even if it is I feel that it is WRONG!! Yes, those who said that if they want to have sex bad enough they will find somewhere to do it, that is very correct, but I don’t think this is all about the sex. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and we don’t sleep over and the few times that we have had to we slept in seperate beds, simply out of respect for our parents, and in my opinion I think that’s how it should be. Okay, well this is long I just thought I would throw my 2 cents in!
Kristina | May 29, 2008 | Reply

oh and also, someone earlier posted something about if your parents give you more freedom you do exactly what they say. My parents give me all the freedom I want to a point and I think spending the night should be where the line is drawn. There is no reason for a 14 or 15 year old even 16 or 17 year old to need to spend the night with the opposite sex. Good gosh, im 19 and still don’t spend the night with my boyfriend. If all you plan on doing with that person of the opposite sex that you are spending the night with is sleep, then there is no reason why you can’t go to your seperate houses and go to sleep and then wake up and see each other the next day!
angela | May 29, 2008 | Reply

Hi Kristina! Thank you for posting your views. I was beginning to think that there was nobody left with any self respect! I hope you will continue to visit my blog and chime in. I agree with everything that you said and you should be proud of yourself for having so much respect for yourself! Kudos!
karin | Jun 7, 2008 | Reply

You have no idea who Mormons are so dont give your opinion on them
TANYA | Jun 15, 2008 | Reply

i THINK THAT IF THE PARENT IS ABLE ENOUGH TO LET THEIR KIDS BOYFRIEND STAY THE NIGHT I THINK THE PARENT iZ NOT IN THE WRONG FOR THAT! BECAUSE THE ONLY FACT THAT IT IZ IS THE PARENT TRUSTS HER KID! I MEAN NO LOCKED DOORS OR ANYTHING IN THAT RESORT BUT I SEE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT!
Hazel Chua | Jun 17, 2008 | Reply

Wow, you’ve got quite a thread here, Angela! Anyway, no matter how many times these teenaged kids justify themselves and give us the “trust”, “we’re not stupid”, “we have morals”, “i have a great relationship with my parents” thingy, it is still a HELL NO for me.

Geez, who was that who said “were’nt you once teenagers too?”, I say, EXACTLY! I was once a teenager too and I also used the “trust”, “we’re not stupid”, “we have morals”, “i have a great relationship with my parents” arguments, yet, I did it. I just got lucky because I did not get pregnant. So kids, stop arguing because no matter what you say, the concensus still stands as is: HELL NO!
Tracy Keeney | Jun 17, 2008 | Reply

Looks like a dead thread has been resurrected!

I think the core issue here (as far as the teenagers go in their posts) is that part of a parent’s job is to teacht their children correct principles and help them to make wise choices.
The idea that one can be up all night with a boy, sleeping in the same bed and “nothing happened” as a means to JUSTIFY it happening at all, is absurd. It’s like saying,
“Well, I play on the freeway ALL THE TIME. Just the other day my friend and I were playing catch on I-70 during rush hour and we STILL didn’t get hit! My parents know they can trust me to dodge the cars.”

Right… and just because you didn’t get smacked by a 18 wheeler THAT time, doesn’t mean it won’t happen the NEXT time.
And let’s just say, for conversation’s sake, that you play on the freeway everyday, and just happen to be really good at dodging the cars, and after dodging cars for 20 years, you STILL never got hit.
Then just count yourself lucky. Either way, playing on the freeway is just stupid. It’s practically ASKING for trouble. It’s taking a huge gamble– it’s like playing Russian Roulette with your life.
It’s one thing for a TEENAGER to not clearly see the danger. So often they think ‘it won’t happen to me’. But it’s another thing entirely for a parent to ALLOW it. Talk about abdicating responsibility.
I like the story about the guy trying to hire a truck driver for a very difficult route.
Three guys applied for the job.
Ron, the guy doing the hiring tried to explain how difficult the route was.. a very winding road going up a mountain. The road was pretty darn narrow, always with a sheer drop on one side that would most certainly be the death of someone if they drove over the edge.
The first guy says “Ron, I’m a professional driver trained in one of the top driving schools in the country. I can drive with my wheels only half an inch from the edge of the drop and maintain PERFECT CONTROL of my rig.
I’d be great at a job like this one.
The second guy says “I’m a professional driver too, Ron. I won a national driving award for being able to drive with my wheels actually hanging slightly OVER the edge of a drop by half an inch. Do you know how much control you’d have to have to do that? I’m the only one in the country who was able to do it right every single time. I’m the best bet for this job.
The third guy said, “Well, Ron. These guys have a pretty good record. I don’t think I could get as close to the edge as that first gentleman without really being nervous, and I very seriously doubt I could drive around a mountain with my wheels hanging over the edge by 1/2 an inch like this other gentleman can.
But I’ll tell you what… you hire me for this job, and I PROMISE, I’ll keep your truck as FAR FROM THE EDGE OF THAT MOUNTAIN as possible. First, because your entrusting me to get your truck there as safely as possible, and second, I don’t want to die.
The third guy got the job.

Get the point?
Lauren | Jun 20, 2008 | Reply

I would try and base this decision on how well I knew my child and trusted them. At 15 I wasn’t sexual at all, and I’m still not (17). Although I personally never had any co-ed sleepovers, I have been to all girl ones where they engaged in “activities” with eachother.
So while this topic isn’t limited to only co-ed, the co-ed sleepovers do have, of course, a greater risk.

Personally, I enjoy cuddling and having my boyfriend just next to me. He stays over during the day and we do talk and listen to music and everything, but we also take a nap together because we enjoy it. He has spent the night once and we did share my bed but all we did was cuddle, sleep, and then wake up, and we both loved it!

At 15, if they were anything like me I’d say that same room, different beds would be fine. If they happen to turn out to be like every other 15 yr old in this area then separate rooms definitely or no sleepover at all, and it would certinaly only be once in a blue moon that they stayed over.

And of course, unless I was very familiar with the parents, there would be no staying over the boyfriends house.
Andy | Jun 22, 2008 | Reply

Well it seems evident that everyone can go back and forth with their own opinions and I as well have my own.

I am of the school that believes we should make our best effort to keep a moral standard that please’s God. I know I may be opening up a “can of worms” with this comment about pleasing God, and I’m sorry if some may not believe they were created by God and for His purpose.

I was once ignorant to the truth of Gods Word and what I know today is that God did create us and He did create sex! And God was also the one who instituted the “marriage covenant.”
Now bare with me for a moment please, I will try to make my point as briefly as possible.

Today many people want to do whatever pleases them and that is why this world is in the condition it is in today. Because men and women are making choices based on what “feels right for them!” That is why people today look at marraige as no big deal, they figure if they get tired of that person (that they made a vow with for better or worse, till death do us part)they can divorse and trade in their spouse for a new model! So now, where are our children getting their moral standards from if we as parents are not even able to do the right thing and show by example that we as adults can make wise choices and work out our differences, which there will be in a marriage?

So my point is this, today man makes up his own rules and lives by his own standard and then teaches his children to do the same by his actions, because raising a child with good moral standards is more “caught than taught.” Meaning, most parents want to tell their children how to live instead of show them by example. “Don’t do as I do, do as I say.” Then we wonder why our children want to rebel and think they know better than us adults.

But the fact is if we did make the descision (parents or children) to follow Gods foundational laws that He left for us to follow then we wouldn’t even be talking about this issue because we would all be living a life of integrity and there wouldn’t even be a question as to if it was okay to be sleeping over at a boyfriends or girlfriends house because we would know that it is not a good idea because your putting yourself in a vulnerable position, not to mention you’ll be causing another friend or sibling, or son or daugther who may not be strong enough to resist the temptation to stumble, because as you know the world says it’s okay because “evryone else is doing it.” And if I do something that will cause my brother to stumble then i’d be a better person not to do it for the sake of another.

Besides the truth is that ever since mankind has falling from where God desired them to be we now have to contend with this battle of what is right and what is wrong. And we now have an enemy who is out to cause us to go against the very nature of God and His goodness.

So now we have a world that is in rebellion to God and we have an enemy (Satan) who is out to cause us to do everything that God hates, and Satan has a great influence on those who refuse to obey God, believe it or not! And now how are we to get our children to understand what they are up against if we don’t even understand the spiritual battle that we as a people are up against?

So obviously I’m against anyone sleeping over with the oposite sex unless they are married. Now I understand this may be hard for many to swallow, but with a true relationship with the creator of the universe, all things are possible, and He will give you the strength to do the right thing.

As I said God created sex, but it was to be in the content of marriage where the two will become one. “A man will leave his father and mother and he will cleave to his wife, and they will become one” is what Gods Word says.
But Satan is a counterfieter and from the beginning he has always tried to concradict the word of God. He tries to make man think that you don’t need to follow Gods word, that you can do as you please, but the fact is that we will suffer the consequences of our choices. Satan, the thief comes to steal kill and destroy our lives by trying to get us to do whatever we feel is okay to do and the result is a lot of problems in our lives that we can’t seem to overcome.

So if you are young and you think you know what’s best for you and you think you can handle the temptation that is put before you, be careful, all it takes is one mistake and that can change you life.

Teenagers will have desires to experiment, that is natural, but as I said Satan will try to influence us any way he can to fall for his lures, he will try to tempt you to do what goes even against your own morals, so be on guard at all time and don’t put yourself in a place where you can stumble.

And as for parents don’t allow your children to be in a place where they can be tempted. It is our responsibility to make every effort to protect them till the day they leave your covering of protection. Yes they may chose to have sex anyway, but at least you did your best and in Gods eyes He will honor the fact you did make your best effort. And if you think neglecting to protect your children is not a serious offense to God, then I guess it really doesn’t matter what I say to you. Remember, you are the childs parent before you are a friend and if they get upset, oh well, they will look back later one day and thank you that you didn’t allow them to do what they thought was okay to do.

It is not a matter of trusting our children, Satan and his angels won’t say, well since those parents trust their children lets not tempt these ones. The truth is that we are in a battle and as you look at the tv you tell me who is winning! Who has been able to influence the world! Where do you think all the imorality is coming from? And the answer is, it is coming from the “heart to man” “who is in rebellion to the word of God!” Therfore they have open themselves up to the influencer that is against everything that God is for.

God is all good, He is love and He is all moral. And if you love your children you will not just let them do whatever they want you will do what is right. Satan is immoral and he is a liar and he trys to lure you with something that looks good so you will try to get it in a way that goes against Gods way. So be wise and be on guard and don’t follow the ways of the world, follow the way or the Lord, and He will keep you safe. But if you chose to do things your way, then don’t blame God when you have to suffer the consequences for your choices, (parents or children).

God created you with a will to choose, He loved you so much tha He didn’t create you as a robot to do only what He wanted you to do, But He did say in His word, “chooose you this day, blessings or curses!” So it’s our choice, obey Gods word and be blessed and protected by Him, or disobey and be cursed with one problem after another and leave yourself open to an influence of a another being who desires to make your life miserable.

Remember this, sin is fun only for a season, then comes the price you have to pay for that sin.
Tracy Keeney | Jun 23, 2008 | Reply

Amen, Andy! You’re a wise one.
Eugene | Jul 6, 2008 | Reply

To angela : pardon me but i think you are just another stubborn person refusing to listen to people and their opinions and going on your own ways . i am 16 , live in singapore and currently i do not have a girlfriend , yes . as some person pointed out earlier , children with parents whom are strict tend to lie to their parents more , this is VERY TRUE . take me as a case , my parents allows me to smoke and drink , bring my girlfriend home and sleep together , but i don’t smoke , i drink only under conditions like a joyous event , i seldom bring my girlfriend home and even i have sex with her , i used condoms . HOWEVER , a friend of mine has strict parents whom doesn’t allow him to smoke and things you adults deem as ” stupid ” but yet he smokes etc. just to defy his parents . what i am trying to say here is that the choice is up to you , you want to be a dictator to your children and cause them to be resentful or you want to be a democrat with them , put faith in them , teach the right lessons BUT allowing them FREEDOM and CHOICES they want . i hope this knocks some sense into you , i don’t want your neighbours to read the newspaper and know that YOUR kid committed suicide due to stupid reasons .
Redoubt | Jul 6, 2008 | Reply

Eugene, if you REALLY are 16, your first lesson is respect. You know nothing of anyone here so, please spare us your examples of adolescent judgment.

Nature bestows upon parents the responsibility to caring for their children. As a child, you may not approve but that is beyond your perview. You will eventuall mature and perhaps, become a parent yourself and at that moment, you may begin to understand the problems with dealing with active, young hormones that vastly outnumber experienced brain cells.

What you do is between you and your parent(s) however, my advice would be to keep your pickle in the jar until you have some vinegar in the jar.

Oh, and I do realize I am no longer young enough to know everything but… I was a father and husband at 16… and a soldier at 17… and a divorcee at 18 so whatever you do, don’t listen to me.
Lauren | Jul 6, 2008 | Reply

Angela-
For one, I did not say having sex is wrong, I said you people assuming every teenager is having sex is wrong.

and don’t you DARE tell me my parents made a wrong choice. Who do you think you are?

My parents trust me enough to have my boyfriend sleep over at my house with them being right in the same area as us.

Yes, maybe some parents make wrong choices…it’s based on the kids, not the parents. My parents trusted me enough to have my boyfriend spend the night, and I was responsible.
angela | Jul 6, 2008 | Reply

Who said all teens are having sex? Of course not all teens are having sex.

Quite frankly.. the decision to encourage a young person to wait to find the right person before they have sex is really not a bad idea.

Sometimes in order to be sure you’ve found the right person it’s important to grow up just a tad bit. Of course most teens think that they are all grown up. I know because I used to be a teen. I’m not a teen any more. I’m a 38 year old mother of a teenager, a 4 year old, and a 2 year old. I can understand why you might be a little upset with me since I am speaking with a voice who’s been around just a tad bit longer than you have.

I’m allowed to say that your parents made the wrong choice. No, I don’t think it’s right to let your teen’s boyfriend/girlfriend spend the night. In fact, I would take it one step further and say that it’s probably not a good idea to let your son OR daughter’s boyfriend/girlfriend spend the night no matter how old depending on the circumstances and if they are unmarried adults — having separate sleeping quarters is most definitely in order.

This isn’t about trust —

It’s about the principle of the ideas we are speaking of —

If you want to have sex with your boyfriend then make sure he is the right one for you, get some pre-marital counseling, and go get married.
candigirl | Jul 10, 2008 | Reply

I’m 16 and i spend the night over my boyfriend’s house a lot. I choose not to be sexually active so my mother doesn’t have anything to worry about.
Redoubt | Jul 10, 2008 | Reply

I’ve commented here a number of times on this subject but I don’t want to be mistaken for someone who thinks that every kid is a sex maniac. To the contrary, many young people are very well adjusted and will not end up as a premature parent… or local distributor of a STD.

But there is a truth here that must be recognized and honored… that being that every human being is hard-wired to have sex. We didn’t come with this programming because it just feels good. It was preinstalled in all of us at birth because it is necessary to assure survival of the species. Sex is, first and fore-mostly, a means to reproduce.

No religion and no magic will stem the tide of your natural instincts.

Guys have it the worst. I was there, I know. Every young lady is enticing… irresistible. Males are naturally drawn to the female physical form… her shape, her walk, her flesh tones… everything.

Gals are the same in reverse, just minus the insane desire to do it on the spot where ever that may happen to be. They see each relationship as a potential mate… the father of her children so naturally; she is a lot choosier. She doesn’t want to hop in bed with a nitwit with acne on his earlobes who can’t spell her name or remember her birthday.

Everything is natural… so no one is saying that sex is bad. But at 15 or 16, you simply have nothing to work with but instinct and whatever good upbringing you may have had so far.

It’s a tough part of life. I became a father and a husband at 16… and maybe you are different but, don’t count on it. When the body warms to the touch and there’s no one else around, nature will make it all seem so good and so right.

Best of luck to all those in their youth. But I’d trade spaces with you only… ONLY if I could knowing what I know now.

…
Z | Jul 15, 2008 | Reply

I cannot believe how many adults think that teenagers want sleepovers to have sex
That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard
Teenagers have sex with or without sleepovers! I know so many friends that sleep over at boyfriends houses and vice versa, why do they enjoy it so much? Because they get to see each other an extra 6 hours, not because of sex! Seriously, trust your kids, we’re not all idiots
NH | Jul 15, 2008 | Reply

Angela,

you have to be one of the most post-modernistic bitches out there. I mean not all teens have sex and the majority of teens dont think about it very often. They just want to enjoy life, like most young people want to and if that means spending quality time with their partner within out outside of the home then so-be-it. You need to think back and think about what it was like.
angela | Jul 16, 2008 | Reply

I’ll take that as a compliment that I have GREAT parenting skills. Thanks!
Nicci | Jul 16, 2008 | Reply

As a 19 year old girl who is in a relationship with the boy i want to spend the rest of my life with,i would like to say to all you thoughtless parents out there. We want to sleep in the same bed as our bf/gf because we want to fall asleep with the person we love, you do not have to be in a bed at night time to have sex, you obviously know that, you were young once. Stop being so retarded and mindless :S
angela | Jul 18, 2008 | Reply

I don’t understand why y’all can’t sleep in your own beds.. the entire notion is ridiculous that you want to spend more quality time together.. while you are asleep? Yeah.. and I was born yesterday!!
sam | Jul 21, 2008 | Reply

im going to say that i agree that they should not be stopping together. i would never let it happen in my home,but its not what other familys do. as i have just found out. my daughter is 15 and i have just found out she is expecting a child now, and this happened due to his family letting her lie about where she was stopping when telling me she was with a friend and i had no reason not to trust her. i totally disagree with it im fuming that this happened as any mum would be,she a child having a child,and not ready to bring up a kid,i have said ill stand by her 100% but im far from happy about it
Nicci | Jul 21, 2008 | Reply

Then why dont you and your partner sleep in single beds? I dont agree with 15 year olds doing it, maybe not 16 year olds depending on the situation, but 18 plus is definately acceptable.
Andy | Jul 21, 2008 | Reply

Nicci,

The problem with your perception about the age that it’s okay for people to be having sex is that there are many people in this world today that now regret jumping into a sexual relationship so early before they really thought it out, and now they are living with the regret of giving their virginity to someone who claimed that they loved them, when in actuality all they really wanted was to have sex.

If no one hears anything else, please hear and understand this, if anyone says that they really love you, then tell that person to respect you and wait till you are married to each other to enjoy that kind of intimacy with you. Then you will see if they really love you? If they are willing to wait till marriage then there is a good possibility that their intentions are to really spend the rest of their life with you.

Remember this, your virginity is a very precious gift that you will only be able to give once in your life, after that it’s gone! So don’t you think you would like to save it for the one who will respect,honor and love you for the rest of your life?

Now I understand that this is not the easiest thing in the world to do because we do all have a natural instinct to be sexual, this is God given, but it has always been to be used in the content of marriage where the two will be joined together as one.

Unfortunately society does not teach this or what we need to know to make a marriage last a lifetime. They will however require you to go to college for many years to prepare you for a career, but for a marriage that is to be for a lifetime they don’t require you to take any classes to prepare you. Go figure? And the truth is that many don’t even believe that a lifetime marriage is possible anymore, but that is a lie because there are many people who have stayed committed to one another for life.

If you have read my last comment you will know where I’m coming from on my next comment. “God is a God of Covenants” and a covenant is more than a contract. In mans eyes today a marriage certificate is no better than a contract you make when purchasing a vehicle and the way it is treated today I would agree. But that was not Gods original plan for marriage. Today in a marriage if you get tired of one another you can get the judge to grant you a divorce, or if one party does not hold to the agreement then the contract is consider broken and the other is no longer bound by the marital contract and they are free to move on. And your lucky if you and the children get the help you and they need and deserve from the spouse who chose to abandon his or her commitment.

But in Gods design for marriage He desired it to be forever, “a covenant.” He says in His word that people divorce because of the hardness of their hearts! In other words we become cold to one another and couples who were once so deeply in love now hate one another, how could this be? There could be many reasons for this but my brief answer is that many who marry do not really get to know one another well enough before they hurry to get married. So as they live together the true character comes out and all of the sudden they find themselves bumping heads. That and the fact that many married couples begin to take one another for granted and they no longer do the things they did in the beginning to win one anothers affection. That’s where the saying “the honeymoon is over” comes from, because now our love for one another is really going to be tested. And as I say, “marriage really is not for selfish people.” That is why we need to grow up first!

Now the reason for dating is to get to know the character of that person whom you may be considering to be your life long companion. Dating is not for the purpose of sex! It is to get to know the morals and integrity of that person as well as their ability to be responsible. Because any man can have sex and make a baby, but it’s going to take a real man to stick it out and take the responsibility of raising that child with the good morals and integrity that I’m speaking about.
And now in society you have many who say why wait till marriage to “play house,” it’s obvious anyway that 50% of the people who marry are divorcing anyway. So now there is even less commitment to one another. And the man or woman, or both are enjoying the benefits of marriage with no commitment, so why would they want to marry now? And my answer to “why marry,” is that God will honor the one who makes that commitment because He desires that that man would give his family a name and a heritage to be proud of. Because God wants to bless those who trust and obey Him and He wants to bless the generations after you! But it has to start with one committed man who will follow His rules, not the ways of the world!

Remember God is a God of Covenants and He wants us to be in covenant with Him and in “covenant marriage!”

Now getting to my point of covenant in marriage, everyone knows that when a virgin girl has sex for the first time she gives an issue of blood from the hymen. And anyone from the medical Field can correct me if I’m wrong, but as far as I know the medical profession knows that there is an issue of blood but they have no answer as to why this takes place with every virgin during her first sexual experience. In other words there is no medical reason for it that can explain! But I believe there is a good reason and it is spiritual, and that is why the medical profession can’t explain it.

Since the beginning as I have been saying, God has always been a “God of covenants” and the way He made covenants many times was with the shedding of blood. (The last blood covenant He made with mankind was the sacrifice of His son on the cross that erases the sins of those who come to Him asking forgiveness) So my belief is that when a man and a woman have sex for the first time this is symbolic of Gods blood covenant to one another and Him, that this commitment to one another is forever. And that is why Gods word says, “what God has joined together let no man separate!” That’s one reason why I believe God wants man and woman to wait till marriage for sex. Because this is the sealing of this union, “for life under Gods protection.”

So again, when a man and woman come together in the sexual union they are sealing their commitment, or I should say “their covenant,” not a contract, with one another. And this is why I feel it is so important that we should be very cautious about who we are going to have sex with. Don’t take it lightly, your life depends on the choices you make and this is no light subject. I realize that society teaches you just the opposite but since when has society been the know all to life issues? No they are only blindly following one another down the paths of immoral decay and destruction!

And teenagers, it is not that adults are being inconsiderate and un-trusting but we have been through it and you have not. And we are trying to shield you from the pain that will come with poor choices. Many times we as adults may not express ourselves the right way and we will just exercise our authority, but don’t allow that to close you up to what we already know has the potential to place you in harms way! Obey your parents and you will be blessed as the bible says in Eph.6:1-4, and it also tell parents not to provoke your children to wrath, but this does not mean we allow them to do as they please, it simply means that we as parents have an obligation to disipline and teach our children with love and patience.

Also, I personally have seen and have spoken to those who wish they could go back and change the choice they made to give into sex, and one after another heart is broken and then the shame and guilt eats at the persons heart and then the walls of distrust go up, and now someone who comes into their life that really loves them has to pay the consequences of the one who really didn’t love them. And these people who have been hurt now become unloveable themselves because they “in their mind” are only protecting themselves. It’s a vicious cycle and young people are not prepared for those emotional hurts. Personally none of us are and that is why we need to be very careful.

The other unfortunate thing that I have seen over and over is that young girls want so much to be loved that she will give herself to anyone who says that they love her but that is why I said if they really love you they will wait. The problem here many times is that the father daughter relationship is missing in this young girls life and she is looking for that relationship from a man, but unfortunately she has to compromise herself to get this young mans love and then in turn he rips her heart out by leaving her for another girl.

So fathers make sure you let your daughters know their value and how much they are loved by you. And prepare them with understanding as to how life is, teach them by example, share the word of God with them because in Gods word God He has set great parameters for our own good, they are not to harm us or to keep us from enjoying ourselves, they are to protect us.

I understand many do not consider Gods word but as I said before that is why we are in the state we are in this world today. So my suggest to those who don’t follow Gods word, at least follow the principles of the word and treat others as you would want them to treat you. And young men, treat these young girls as you would want a young man to treat your sister or your daughter. Stay safe and have good morals and boundaries and be committed to a life of integrity. But overall really consider a relationship with the living God. In the time we live in today this is your best insurance!

And young girls respect yourselves and your body so young men will then respect you. because if you carry yourself in a way that makes you seem easy you will draw those who are just out to use you and you are much better than that.

And I don’t care if it is a long time boyfriend or not, don’t put yourself in any compromising areas where you could give in to something you may regret in the future. Save yourself for that one special person. Remember you have one thing that you can only give one time and that is you virginity. And to those who have already given up their virginity it’s never to late to start all over and wait for the right person so that you won’t put yourself thought the hurt of someone using you for their own selfish needs again.

I hope this helps many, young adults and parents to consider that this is really more than just a sleepover with the opposite sex that is in question here, it’s a life of integrity that God will honor, and trust me we all need God on our team. Because as I’ve said, times are getting crazy and deception is ramped! So parents be vigilant and on guard always.

Blessings
Redoubt | Jul 21, 2008 | Reply

Just a note or two…

1. This has been one of the most informative and certainly eye-opening blog posts I have ever followed. Kudos to the owner of this site for allowing a healthy exchange of opinions and positions (no pun intended, lol!)

2. I am really a lot relieved because it is fairly apparent that kids have not changed all that much since I was one. All the polution and chemicals in our food and water has not diminished the urge to… um, ‘do it’. (Our species is therefore safe long enough for them to grow up and try explaining it all to their own younguns.)

“Middle age is a time of life when you realize that you are too old to have sex in an automobile but still too young not to try.”
Nicci | Jul 22, 2008 | Reply

Andy,
In all due respects to what you are saying, do remember that we are just animals and life really isnt as complicated as you are making it out to be, i am 19 years old, and i would happily not have sex with my boyfriend for the rest of our lives, and i know he would too, because love is not based on sex, it is indeed as you said something special you share with the one you love. However being a 13 year old girl growing up in this day and age, with the media being the main agent of socialisation, it is hard to know the rights and wrongs of these issues,i’ve made alot of mistakes, because of my misinterpretations of what is right and wrong, perhaps if i had been brought up religiously i wouldnt be sat here today talking to you about this because it wouldn’t be an issue in my life, the world is dominated by sex, and as you would surely agree it is disgusting, but how do you expect the youths of our generation to be able to make wise decisions about sex when the world is the way it is today? I don’t think its going to change it will just get worse and theres nothing me or the next guy can do about it.
angela | Jul 23, 2008 | Reply

I probably wouldn’t be happy about that either if that had happened to my daughter Sam. That’s great that you are standing behind her decision to keep the baby but I think I would be a tad bit upset with the boy’s family as well. Are they going to help you and your daughter raise this baby? Another reason why it’s not a very good idea to let teens that are dating share a bed OR sleep over at night in the home. I’m sure your daughter wishes that she could take it back, is that right? What is she saying about the whole thing? What are his parents saying?

And Nicci.. seriously.. people shouldn’t be having sex if they are teenagers living at home with their parents. If they are adults and want to do whatever they want to do then they can go get a job and support themselves. Once they are able to stand on their own two feet they can go get their own apartment OR buy their own home and do whatever they want to so long as it’s not in their parent’s home.

Quick Note: If you are going to leave a comment on this thread and you don’t have anything you want to link to then please do not put “none” as a URL. Thanks!!
angela | Jul 23, 2008 | Reply

Y’all need to seriously read Dr. Laura’s post titled: When Children Have Children
Andy | Jul 23, 2008 | Reply

Nicci,

I’m sorry but I have to disagree with you. My ancestors were not animals! I did not evolve nor did you. We all have been created by a Divine Being who is the God that is spoken about in the bible. And the only reason anyone would think what I’m sharing is complicated is because they have not been taught the true reason for their existence. I know I myself was once there.

I’m sure there has been a time in our lives that we have all asked questions like, Why are we hear? Where did we come from? And where are we going after this? I myself had these questions when I was a kid, but unfortunately no adult I knew really had a good explanation, they would just tell me that there is a God who created us and we will go to be with Him in eternity when we leave this place if we were good. And if we were not good we would go to the other place (hell)where bad people go for eternity?

So there came a day when I stopped listening to what every one told me about, “there is a God and there is not a God” and I began to search for myself. And I started with His word, the bible, and I now have come to believe it is the inspired word of God to us.
In other words I believe God spoke to, and through men who loved and obeyed Him from the beginning of time on this earth age and He has left us His “history book” of the events that have already taken place and those that will soon take place in this world. And He did this because He loves us and He wants us to have relationship with Him! He left us His word so that we can get to know Him and be ready for the day when our life ends on this earth or when He returns to complete His plan for mankind.

Make no mistake about this, Gods plan has been unfolding right before our eyes and it’s getting closer to the day when He will no longer allow Satan’s influence in the world, but before that happens it’s going to get much worse, so that is why we need to know Gods word so that we are prepared for it.

I understand that what I say may sound foolish to many, but here is what the Apostle Paul said in 1st Corinthians 1:18, (I now very well how foolish the message of the cross sounds to those who are on the road to destruction. But we who are being saved recognize this message as the very power of God).

Now the reason Paul says the “cross” sounds foolish to those who are on the road to destruction(the cross where Christ Jesus was crucified, also referring to the message of salvation for mankind through Christ death)is because many people in those days didn’t want to believe Jesus was sent of God to redeem men back into relationship with God. They were blinded to Gods truth just as many are today.

They refuse to believe, so therefore they are on their way to an eternity without God.
In John 16:9 Jesus said, (the sin of the world is that it refuses to believe in Me.)so forget the fact that we all sin daily, Jesus is saying your greatest sin is unbelief! That is the opposite of faith and in Hebrews 11:6 it says it is impossible to please God without faith, then it goes on to say that “anyone” who wants to come to God must first “believe” that their is a God and “He will” reward those that sincerely “seek Him!”

I’m just sharing the truth of God because we all need the opportunity to hear it. And having briefly shared it, now you can do what you want with it because there will come a day when we will all be held accountable for what we did when we heard the message of Christ.

And Gods hope (and mine) is that it sparks within you a desire to rethink what you were brought up to believe and you start searching for yourself.

Because you see if I’m wrong, I guess the worst thing that could happen is that I don’t go to live eternally with my creator in heaven, I just die and my spirit I guess dies also? But at least for now I can say that trusting and believing in God has made me a better person than I was without Him. But, “if I’m right,” and those who refuse to believe in God at His word are wrong, I feel sorry for them because they will suffer an eternity apart from a loving God who desired so much to have relationship with them. Just as any good and loving parent wants with their children.

They will have made this choice for themselves because God made hell for Satan and His angels who chose to rebel against Him. All those who reject Christ by their own admission have chosen to have nothing to do with Him. So it won’t be God sending them to hell, it will be them by their freewill.

As I said in my first post on June 22, God gives us “free will to chose” and that includes where we will spend eternity. So anyone who continually rejects God and His free gift of salvation will seal their fate and will go to be in eternity in hell along with Satan and his demons and everyone else who denies Christ.

I’m sorry I know this may sound a bit harsh but it is Gods word not mine, and it is your choice to choose what you believe. But the day we stand before God there won’t be a good enough excuse for denying Him because as I said we will have already sealed or fate, so It will be to late then.

God says the only way to be forgiven and live with Him for eternity is to ask Him for forgiveness “now” and receive His son who He sent to die for our sins as Lord and Savior of our lives.

Consider this as well if you don’t believe in God, (and I’m assuming you don’t because all people who say they came from animals don’t believe in the God of the Holy Bible) this country you live in (if your in the U.S)was founded by biblical principles, the forefathers believed in God and there use to be prayer in school, the money we spend says In God We Trust. When we use to pledge allegiance to the flag in school we would quote the words “one nation under God.” The supreme court has the 10 commandments of the bible on the wall. But now society has managed to get God out of the school by saying no prayer. And they don’t want Him to be recognized or acknowledged anywhere and there are those that are trying to get His name off the money, as well as out of the courts and government. Separation of church and state they say. So it’s the people that are trying to push God out of everything including their own lives and then they wonder why He won’t answer their prayers or protect them? And they want to blame Him because the world is in such a bad state right now. Give me a break!

This country needs to bow down and ask forgiveness before God decides to pull the plug on their lives! But since God is full of Grace an Mercy,He is being patient for our sake! And He is allowing this nation to go through what they created. And maybe when they realize they can’t do it without Him then they will open their hearts once again to Him and then He will begin to do what needs to be done in their lives.

Also ask yourself or someone else and see what answer they give you as to why our calendar year is only at the year 2008? Because my answer to this question is just over 2000 years ago a man named Jesus was born into the world and the calender years before then are now known as B.C. initials for, Before Christ!

So this Jesus must have made a great impact on what people believed 2000 years ago for society to get the calender year changed?

The problem now though is that mans spiritual eye has been blinded to the truth again over the years because of the influence of Satan who has managed to blind their eyes from the truth. And this is because of their unbelief in God! Make no mistake Satan is known as the god of this world and his influence has blinded many minds! Read 2nd Corinthians 4:3-4 if you don’t believe that Gods word calls Satan the God of the world who blinds the minds of those who refuse to believe!

Is it any wonder that things are as they are and immorality prevails in our society today, the world is under the influence of a spiritual power that they are not even aware exist! and if they do believe he exist, they sure do not know how he operates! Just as they don’t know how God works.

And to answer your question about us not being able to do anything about the immorality in the world, your probably right, we probably won’t be able to change it because everyone is choosing immorality over morality. And in our own strength we can do nothing to stop what Satan is doing by his influence. But with God and His influence, all things are possible!

Yes, as we know in today’s world “sex sells” and the only way we would have a chance to do anything is for those who are tired of it to unite together and start doing something to let the media know we will not put up with it!

The only other thing anyone can do is pray for one another and the nation and lead a godly life by example. Also each parent needs to teach their children better morals and the word of God. And don’t allow children to see the junk on t.v.

As I said before, we are the gatekeepers to our home and we are responsible for the upbringing of our children. The church nor the school can teach them what we parents need to teach them!

Also remember we all have a choice and your not going to just go and do something just because someone else is doing it, are you? I understand that their is peer pressure but “you” will always suffer the consequences of your choices, not your friends.

The last thing I want to say again is that I do not believe in Mans Theory that we evolved from nothing, from some sort of big bang theory and then evolved into animal then to cavemen,etc, etc. And now with d.n.a. it’s been proven that it is almost impossible that we could have evolved from ape.

For any creation to exist there had to be a Divine Creator. And I find it easier to believe this then the theory that man gives you in the schools of evolution. I do believe what Gods word says when He says we were created in His image and for His purpose. And as you see in society everyone who does not know this purpose blindly follows their own purpose an messes it up for the rest of us.

Today people seem to be making up their own rules as they go instead of getting a clue and following the owners manual (the bible). There is a scripture that says, in the days when there was no king, the people did what they though was right in their own eyes! And that’s what society is doing when they don’t let the “King of all Kings” (God) rule their lives.

Also ask yourself what is your meaning and purpose for life if their is no God! Is it just to enjoy the 70 years you may or may not get? Or what is it! Because my purpose is to be filled with Gods Spirit and honor God while I’m hear in a godless society. I am hear to be the example of who God is to those who don’t know Him and that is why I follow His word. I live it out in my life so that people will see that there is something different and that something different is that I have opened my heart to the creator of the universe and He has come into my life and He now guides me daily. And when my life Is over here, my spirit will go to live with God and some day after that I will be given a new glorified imperishable body the day my old dead body is resurrected to the new life when Christ comes to take all the living and the dead in Christ.

Yes those who believe in God will be saved and they will live with him for eternity, that is forever! No more death, no more pain, no more tears!

And all you and anyone else has to do to become heirs of God is believe in Him and ask forgiveness and invite Him to send His Holy Spirit to come and live and dwell within you
and to guide and direct you daily from here on out.

So hear is you opportunity, anyone can say this prayer if they desire to know their Creator intimately, and if you think I’m full of hogwash, don’t say it! But remember, I’m just the messenger so you won’t hurt me because it is not me your denying! In fact I will be bold enough to say that this is no accident that we are conversing about this.

God is wanting to make himself real to you today through one who follows Him! So you choose today to receive Him, or reject Him, if He is not real anyway what can happen if you say a prayer?

Say this now,

God I realize I have never honored you or believed in you, but today I have briefly heard of you. You know I don’t know much about You so please be patient and merciful with me and forgive me for all my sins against you, my biggest sin being my unbelief, forgive me for that and today I want to receive the free gift of salvation that erases all my sins so right now I confess your son Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I Thank you for sending your son to die for my sins. Now I ask that you would send your Holy Spirit to come into my heart to live and dwell within me. Now, Holy Spirit guide and lead me into all truth of who you are and what my true purpose is. In Jesus name I pray.

Now if you said that prayer with all the sincerity of your heart God knows it and He will honor it, but if it was just read and you didn’t really want to begin a relationship with your Creator He knows that as well and in that case nothing will have taken place other than I may have planted a seed and God will in His time make it grow, so if a day comes in your life that God brings you back to this conversation you will know it is Him knocking at the door of your heart, so please let Him in.

Now God I say this prayer for Nicci and anyone else who may stumble across it, you know everything about those you have created, so you know what they have need of so I pray right now by faith that you would touch and visit them with your spirit and they would feel your awesome presence in their life.
Cover them and protect them from anything that would try to come against them to cause discouragement or doubt about what has just taken place in their lives. Ignite with in them a desire to get to know You in an intimate way as you desire of all people.
Now seal them all with your spirit for the day of redemption and from this day forward help them in their new journey on this earth with you.

In Jesus Name I pray.

Now if you have questions about God one good website I know of off hand answers many questions people have.

It’s http://www.gotquestion.org

Also a good book to start with other than the bible is The purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, a good bible version for beginners is the NIV, or NLT.

Also a good book on dating that will help plenty is Boundaries in Dating, by Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend, who by the way have many other books on boundaries which are very good for anyone that could use some help with setting boundaries with children, friends, employers, spouses, parents, inlaws, etc.

God Bless you all and I hope i’ve been helpful, and if anyone is offended, I’m sorry but I have a mandate from God to speak the truth. And I did so with all the sinecerity in my heart. Gods word is like medicine, some people will not like it, but it is for their own good!

Stay in prayer and speak to God, and for those of you who just want to know our feeling about teens sleeping over, this was no extra charge!
faith | Aug 11, 2008 | Reply

My daughter is 16 years old and her boyfriend sleeps over but on the couch while she is in her room with the door closed. My wife and I door stay open the entire time. I am in stuck in the middle of no and yes. I say yes he can spend the night when the family go to midnight bowling and we get home @ 2:00 am in the morning so my wife and i agreed that he could sleep over only on the couch while my daughter is in her room with the door closed.I am a christian and was entirely against but I tried to be understanding. My wife and I are always arguing about my daughter and her boyfriend with why he can not sleep over more. I explained to her we both agreed he would sleep over on special occasion but not it is getting more frequently.I do not approve of this but my wife think otherwise. We maybe heading toward a divorce because my wife is not acting her mother instead it seems she like a sister to her our daughter. We have a 13 year old daughter as well and I tell my wife all the time this is not a good example for her.
Andy | Aug 11, 2008 | Reply

Faith,

I sympathize with your situation, it is not easy to have to be the one who has to make the hard calls that will upset others, but that is your responsibility as a father.

Make every effort to work this situation out and whatever you do, do not allow this situation to bring any more division between you and your spouse. “Let nothing come between you and your spouse!” Because aside from God your spouse is your “first priority.”

You say you are a christian so I’m supposing that your trust is in God to help you through this trial. Remember not to focus on the temparary circumstances, but focus on God and what He promises He can do if you put your faith in Him to help you through this.

Seek Him for wisdom and remember your obligation is to Him first, then to your spouse to right the wrong in your house, or it will not be a home and you will feel these feelings that you are now feeling.

Just remember that you and your wife are not eachothers enemy, even though it may seem that way at times. And she, may be struggling with this issue as much as you. And since God called you to be the head of your home, He requires from you that you would handle this issue in a Godly manner.

Stay strong in your convictions, and remember that “a house divided can not stand” as Gods word says.

Seek christian counsel through your church on this subject and remember that there are plenty of good Christian resources out there that will be very benefitial to anyone who is willing to apply themselves to the suggestions.

Remember this also, you and your wife need to a have a “united front” even if you do not agree on some areas, if not the children will know who to go to so they can get what they want. And yes this can have an influence on your younger daugther who could possibly expect the same privleges as her sister has had?

Trust me, you are not alone when you speak of your situation, many people, “christian and non christian” struggle, i’m sure with these same disagreements.

I sense your frustration, and I pray you will seek the wise counsel if you can’t seem to come to an agreement with your wife on this issue.

Remember we all need boundaries when it comes to what we are willing to allow, and a husband and wife will not always think alike so there has to be a point where you both draw the boundary lines to what you will and will not allow.

Once again, “ask God to give you His wisdom,” and then approach your wife sincerely and see if you can both set some perameters as to how often your daughter will be able to spend with her boyfriend and where this will take place.

You are the parents! And the children will sense any division, and they “will” go to the parent who will “give in.” But if they see you both in “one accord” they won’t even try to go there because they know you guys will not allow it! If you both say no, the child may pout a bit but they will get over it and they won’t keep trying to push to find the one who will give in.

Here is a couple of good Christian websites for some good infomation on many marital issues.

http://www.marriagetoday.org, (Jimmy Evans)has many good books, dvds, and c.d.s

http://www.crosswalk.com, has many resourses you can look up.

Also Look for a church in your area that may have the N.A.M.E program set up, that is National Association for Marriage Enhancement, this is “Free” nothenicle marriage counseling. This means it’s “biblically based” and it has a nintey 99 pecent success rate on stopping divorses.

Here is the website for the founders Leo and Molly Godzich out of Phoenix Arizona http://www.nameonline.net

And lastly stay connected to the body of believers so that you have friends you can go to with these and many other issues. We all need mentors and fellow brothers who we can confide in because as we all know life has it’s trials and the enemy will use anything he can to destroy our homes.

As 1st Peter 5:8-9 says, Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. For he prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. So stand firm “against him” and be strong in “your faith” and remember that your fellow brothers and sisters are going through many of the sames struggles.

Remember, “iron sharpens iron,” so each one of us in Christ can sharpen one another to the strategy of the enemy.

Don’t try to deal with these issues alone, because that is what the enemy wants. And even saying the word divorce gets his attention! But remember, “He (Gods Spirit)who lives in you is greater than he (the spirit of the enemy) that is in the world!”

God bless and I will keep you in prayer, and update me if possible.
faith | Aug 12, 2008 | Reply

Andy, I would like to thank you for renewing my spirit. I know the power of the lord and what it can do.My brother in christ I will never give up on God or my family. I am in it until the end.Your words or encouragement has lifted my spirit. I know God will not put more on us than we can bear.I always pray to God for his wisdom,love, peace and patience.God can do all thing but fail.Once again thank you and God bless you and your family. My prayers are for all the ones that is going through the same thing. Be strong in the Lord.Look to the hills which cometh your help your help cometh from the Lord.
angela | Aug 14, 2008 | Reply

faith - if you go to midnight bowling and it ends at 2 am then why don’t you drop the boyfriend off at his house on the way home from bowling? Surely he can sleep in his own bed, right?
Emily | Aug 18, 2008 | Reply

Hey; its not as bad as u think it is. I slept over my boyfriends house without any supervision; and we didn’t do anything raunchy at all.. And I’m 14. So, it won’t always turn out bad; just trust ur kid
Redoubt | Aug 18, 2008 | Reply

Emily, It is not always so simple as a matter of trust. I did trust my kids (when they were kids) but I also trusted that mother nature was at work in their perfect little structures. I trusted that nine times out of ten, better sense would prevail but that on that tenth occasion, nature would finally triumph.

If life were as simple as merely trusting someone, there wouldn’t even be a need for parents because you could be trusted to feed yourself, dress yourself, clean your room, do your homework, mow the lawn, pay the bills, wash the car, take out the garbage and fix those leaky pipes. You could also be trusted to never, ever follow instinct and have sex before you were old enough to have a decent grasp on the concept.

But in the real world, unwed teenaged mothers give birth everyday, unwanted children go to orphanages (or worse), STDs are on the rise and Lordy knows that roo

Domestic Divapalooza

Would you let your 15 year old’s boyfriend spend the night?

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