23 Comment(s)

1. Sarah | Mar 13, 2008 | Reply

   I technically co-slept with my daughter, and my son, but it was with them on my chest, always. As soon as they either weighed too much (as the case was with my son), or they started fidgeting a lot (as with my daughter). It wasn’t so that they were closer or anything, it was for convenience with BF’ing more than anything. That, and with my daughter, I didn’t trust the complex we were living in, and would rather have her with me if something happened, rather than across the room.

2. baby boy | Mar 13, 2008 | Reply

   You are right, it very dangerous and we need to remember that all the time.

3. Tracy | Mar 14, 2008 | Reply

   But you have to realize that MANY parents who sleep with their babies in their bed do it for the SAME reason that you support the idea of the crib. They feel their baby is SAFER in their bed. I was one of them! Of my four children, only the last one slept in a crib.
   The other three slept with us as long as they were still nursing.
   The truth is, the statistics bear sway in the OPPOSITE direction of your concern. And those numbers can’t be ignored.
   64 TIMES the number of babies die ALONE in their cribs, than the number of babies who die in their parents’ bed.
   In an 8 year study, a total of 515 babies died in their parents bed for various reasons (not all of them were from being “smothered” by a parent.) Several couldn’t be determined, several were caught between mattresses/headboard, some because of the blankets, some smothered on waterbeds, etc. So not all of the babies died for the same reason of parents rolling over on them- which is actually rather uncommon and usually only happens to those who have sleep issues of sleeping so deep that they can’t be roused or are taking sleep medications to help them sleep more deeply, etc.)
   But during that SAME 8 year study 34,000 died of SIDS, ALONE in their cribs. Read that again— 34 THOUSAND.
   515 compared to 34,000 ???
   For every 1 baby who died in their parents bed for any NUMBER of reasons, 64 died in their cribs due to the ONE reason of SIDS. And that doesn’t even include other deaths for other reasons– suffocation in blankets, vomitting and aphixiating (which actually happened to the baby of a friend of mine. He was 4 months old, spit up in his sleep and choked to death on his vomit. It was absolutely horrific for my friend and all who knew them.)
   Statistically speaking, babies are actually SAFER in their parents’ bed. So if someone was going to choose sleeping arrangements based SOLEY on safety issues- the best choice would actually be co-sleeping.
   Most of the time however, babies sleep safely through the night whether they are in their crib or in their parents bed. Of ALL the people you know, how many of them lost a child during the night?? It really doesn’t happen that often , proportionally. So chances are, whether you choose to co-sleep or use a crib, baby will be fine, either way.

4. angela | Mar 18, 2008 | Reply

   I appreciate the examples and statistics shared because it does help to educate us in this discussion.

   However, 1 baby that is rolled over in bed by a parent is 1 baby that should not have died.

5. Tracy | Mar 18, 2008 | Reply

   True– but neither should 1 baby die from SIDS, or from vomiting and asphixiating in their sleep.
   Researchers believe that one of the possible reasons that SIDS deaths seem to only happen when baby is sleeping alone is because they go into deep stages of sleep.
   When babies co-sleep, they don’t go into the deepest stages of sleep. Since there are others in the bed, turning over, snoring, coughing, etc and because babies who co-sleep generally nurse off and on during the night, they don’t sleep as deeply and are slightly awakened over and over.
   If my friends’ baby had been in bed with her, or at least in the same room, maybe she would have heard her baby spit up and start gagging. Who knows?
   It’s certainly not her fault though. Babies spit up all the time, they don’t usually choke and asphixiate until they actually die. If that process only takes a few minutes, it could happen while mom is working in the laundry room with baby wide awake in another room. So certainly, horrible events like that aren’t the parents’ fault at all. It’s one of those horrible tragic accidents that just happen, that we all WANT answers for, but just don’t have them.
   I don’t think for one minute that that means that all babies should sleep in bed with their parents. Parents shouldn’t feel ‘obligated’ one way or the other. The truth is, that most babies sleep perfectly safely, either way. It’s a personal decision that doesn’t have a “right” or “wrong” answer.
   For me it was a comfort thing– knowing the baby was right there. (I was always paranoid about something happening and not being there.) Plus, he/she could nurse off and on whenever they wanted and I could still sleep. (Of course, that means that I didn’t go into the “deeper” stages of sleep either. You’re always “aware” that the baby is there, especially if they start nursing) It’s one of those half awake/half asleep things.
   Even when I had my last one sleeping in the crib (she didn’t sleep in bed with us) she was in the same room. And I did NOT follow the advice of doctors to put her on her back to avoid SIDS.
   I just used my own common sense logic. I figured– yeah– okay, the doctors suggest putting the baby on her back, specifically to avoid SIDS. (since babies sleep the lightest on their backs). But, how many babies actually die of SIDS, compared to the number of babies who spit up? ALL babies spit up. Very few die of SIDS, proportionally speaking. So if my baby is lying on her back and spits up– she could choke and asphixiate. And THAT seeemed more likely to me, than having her die from SIDS. Especially once it actualy happened to my friend. Surely, the chances of her spitting up were greater than the chances of her dying from SIDS. So I continued to have her sleep on her SIDE as they USED to counsel back when my first was born.

6. angela | Mar 18, 2008 | Reply

   I don’t think you can compare rolling over your infant and smothering them to sids or the baby vomiting.

   I think if we are going to prevent parents from rolling over their babies and killing them, we would have to say that it’s probably not a good idea to sleep with your baby.

   I’m not criticizing you and what you do with your children OR what you did when your children were babies, I think at some point we have all been there done that..

   There are things that can be done to monitor baby when they are sleeping. I am by no means placing fault on a parent who’s child died due to sids or vomiting, etc.

   When I had Fiona and Kinsley they slept in the bassinet right next to my bed. I think for the most part we all try to do what we think is best for our children.

   I’m sure the parent that rolled over his or her baby and killed them probably didn’t mean to. I suppose they probably wish they had not slept with their baby.

   Again.. rolling over baby doesn’t compare to a baby that has died of vomiting or sids.

7. Tracy | Mar 19, 2008 | Reply

   Well– I was just comparing the idea that the deaths could have been prevented. The deaths from rolling over could have been prevented if they baby WASN’T in the bed, and the deaths of those who died from SIDS and vomiting/asphixiating may have been prevented if they HAD been in the bed.
   However, the way you handled it– having the bassinette right next to your bed- (which is what we did with our last one) may very well be the best thing, the safest thing all-around. I’m not sure what the statistics are on that, but it seems like a good “educated guess”.
   One thing is for sure– I’m sure there’s an added sense of pain for those few parents who DID roll over and accidently smothered their babies. I can’t even imagine the horror. God heal their hearts!

8. angela | Mar 19, 2008 | Reply

   You’re right, nobody should have to lose their baby to SIDS, vomiting, or rolling in bed. If there are parents out there that have lost their babies, I am SO very sorry about that. I do see the point you were making about doing something keep the SIDS and/or the vomiting from happening by keeping your child close.

   When Lauren was born I took naps with her sometimes in the same bed and when I started to hear stories about how parents were rolling over their babies in their sleep suffocating them to death I got paranoid and stopped. I know with Fiona I used to take naps with her in the recliner in our living room but I would fall asleep upright OR cocked in the chair and she was always on my chest. But then Don wasn’t too far off and he would always check on us.

   I don’t believe sleeping with your kids makes anybody a bad parent. I think that the intent is to do what you think is best for your child and if you know without a doubt that there is no way you could roll over your kids then by all means - go for it!

   I just feel horrible for those parents that have lost their child to SIDS or vomiting AND yes rolling over your baby. BUT, in the back of my mind I’m thinking that accidentally killing your baby because you rolled over them is sad and preventable. Probably more preventable than the other two.

9. Fiona | Apr 8, 2008 | Reply

   What about if co-sleeping saves babies lives?

   Because it DOES.

   1. Babies who sleep next to their Mothers have less cycles of ‘deep sleep’.

   2. Infants breathing and heartrates are much more regulated.

   3. A babies heat is also better regulated.

   4. Breastfeeding is more likely to be successful. Due to prolactin levels and ease of being able to feed. And of course I do not need to stress the virtues of breastmilk.

   5. A Mother is aroused more quickly by the baby, and able to come quickly if aid is needed.

   And not to mention psychological benfits to baby and benefits to the Mother.

   Places that have the highest co-sleeping rates oftenly have the lowest SIDs statistics (ie Japan). Conicidence? I think not.

   Of course, co-sleeping and safety is of utmost importance. It is important that any parent follows all safety guidlines when co-sleeping.

10. Fiona | Apr 8, 2008 | Reply

    Also don’t forget there are preventable accidents that cause death every year that happen with cribs/cots…. like-for-like I’m not sure how it would compare, as although the minority of parents co-sleep, the majority of parents say they share their bed occasionally.

    Also, drawing up on why I co-sleep, but started off with a crib/cot:

    My Baby, now 9 months has GERD/reflux. This wasn’t diagnosed till sometime after birth. Like every parent, I put my baby down to sleep in a cot on his back from birth. One night he screamed in agony, I picked him up and he was spluttering and gasping for air. But it soon passed and he got his breath back, and I decided it was best to take him to bed with me, beause everytime I tried to put him down he screamed.

    Next night, I did the same, and also put a wedge in his cot to prevent the previous nights fright. But, after an hour of sleep again he started screaming in agony. I picked him up and this time his face had turned blue and he was desperate for air. He was choking and spluttering. I took him to A and E of course, thankfully he is Okay.

    After that I choose to co-sleep. And nothing like that has ever happened again. Thank Goodness.

11. angela | Apr 9, 2008 | Reply

    Hi Fiona -

    I appreciate what you are saying and the fact that you have shared your co-sleeping experience is tremendous. Thank You!

    I would like to know what you think of parents that like you, started off co-sleeping, rolled over their babies and killed them because THEY were in a deep sleep.

    Thanks! I look forward to your thoughts on that..

12. Julie | May 12, 2008 | Reply

    Very few parents roll over on their child while sleeping with them and most people, even you Angela, by your own admission, sleep with their children in one way or another at some point. Worldwide, the vast majority of parents sleep with their children and this has been going on since the dawn of humankind. In America, where SIDS rates are one of the highest in the world, many fewer people sleep with their children on a regular basis.

    If you believe that something should not be done because even one baby may die, then you had better not take your child anywhere in a vehicle because vehicle accidents kill many more children than SIDS.

    Of course, a parent who sleeps deeply (are any new mothers actually capable of that?), takes drugs or drinks alcohol should not co-sleep. It is silly to say that no one should co-sleep because the few people that have these problems shouldn’t. They have parenting issues beyond co-sleeping.

    Read some literature by Dr. James McKenna, the foremost sleep therapist in the world, about co-sleeping. The facts are really eye-opening.

13. Julie | May 12, 2008 | Reply

    Here is a great article by Dr. McKenna full of facts supporting co-sleeping as not only okay, but the safest way to sleep with your baby. http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/sleep/mckenna.html Please read it. More people need to know the real facts, based on scientific study rather than on conjecture, hysteria, or flawed studies.

14. angela | May 15, 2008 | Reply

    I supposed it would be safe to say that it’s too bad those parents that rolled over on their babies and killed them didn’t see all this information before it happened. I suppose I’m lucky that it didn’t happen to me before I realized I didn’t believe in co-sleeping.

15. Julie | May 20, 2008 | Reply

    It’s too bad all those people who lost children in a car wreck didn’t see those statistics first either. In the United States during 2005, 1,451 children ages 14 years and younger died as occupants in motor vehicle crashes, over half of them were restrained. That’s an average of 4 deaths each day. Have you stopped taking your children in the car yet?

    If you do not believe in anything that may harm your children, how about dogs? Dogs killed 109 children between 1889 and 1994. Do you keep your children away from dogs?

    How about toys? Toys killed 22 children in 2006. Surely you don’t allow your children to have toys.

    How about water? From 1996 through 1999, CPSC has reports of 292 children under 5-years-old who died as a result of drowning in a bathtub, 58 children under 5-years-old died of complications related to drowning after falling into 5-gallon buckets, and 16 children under 5-years-old drowned in a household toilet. That’s 366 deaths from water in the house in three years, or 122 per year, many more than the 69 per year who died in their parents’ bed. Do you not believe in water either?

    How about cribs? 34,000 died in cribs from SIDS in eight years! That’s 4,250 per year. Now that’s an unacceptable statistic, if you ask me. And that’s why they call it “crib death” instead of “parents’ bed death.”

    If you believe that you are capable of rolling over on your child while sleeping, then certainly, you should not sleep with your child. But to say you do not believe in anybody co-sleeping because a few people (and the statistics do not show what kind of parents they are or in what conditions they were sleeping) have rolled over and smothered their babies, is very judgmental and narrow-minded. I’ve slept with all five of my children and could never have rolled over and smothered them. I sleep too lightly for that (as I believe most mothers do). For you to make a judgment on my mothering practices (and those of many others) based on incomplete and/or incorrect statistics and assumptions seems very intolerant of you.

16. angela | May 20, 2008 | Reply

    Oh please Julie. You are posting to be right. You believe in co-sleeping and I do not.

    Everybody has their time to die. Nobody can predict when our time will come to die.

    I don’t believe in co-sleeping. I don’t believe it’s a good idea. I’m entitled.

    You want to sleep with your babies, go right ahead! You’re entitled too.

17. Julie | May 23, 2008 | Reply

    Angela, I’m not the one trying to be right. I’m not the one posting a blog that says “there is absolutely no point to having the baby in bed with you.” I’m not the one passing judgment on a huge number of people for their parenting practices. I’m just presenting logical, real life examples of why such a blanket statement as the one quoted above is narrow minded and intolerant.

    Sure, you’re entitled to your opinion. But so are we (the billions worldwide, who co-sleep safely with their babies) and I am just a voice to defend those billions.

    Enough said, discussion is over for me.

18. angela | May 23, 2008 | Reply

    Oh sure the discussion is over for you. It’s over for you because you couldn’t change my mind about it. You didn’t want to agree to disagree.

    If you want to sleep with your infant in bed that is totally your call as it is mine. I don’t believe that it’s safe and you do.

    You’re accusing me of passing judgment and then you turn and do the same? WHATEVER?!

19. Jennifer | May 29, 2008 | Reply

    I find Angela’s comments to be very close-minded and obtuse. Of course you are entitled to your opinion and certainly no one is passing judgment on you for NOT sleeping with your children, yet you are passing judgment on those who do choose to do so. I slept with my son until he was about 8 weeks old. I would have done so longer if my husband had been more supportive. For me, it was a combination of three reasons. First, it was much more convenient for breastfeeding purposes. Second, it was a safety issue and I NEEDED to know that he was okay at all times and needed to be able to check on him whenever I wanted. Third, I simply felt an emotional need to be close to my son at night, and he obviously felt it too because he slept much better that way. It’s a mother-baby bond and is completely natural. We are one of the only countries that pushes women not to do something that the rest of the world does naturally - stay close with their babies.

20. angela | Jul 6, 2008 | Reply

    Just because we don’t agree doesn’t mean that I am a close-minded and obtuse individual. Of course you are entitled to think that of me but I can assure you there are a lot of people out there that would not agree with you at all on your assessment of me.

    You did what you felt was the best thing to do with your son. I can pick out a couple of different scenarios you could have tried and it’s not going to change the outcome.

    I’m sure the Mom’s whose babies have died while sharing the same bed might give you a few scenarios to try as well..

    Look.. we don’t agree. It’s ok. Really.. it’s ok that we don’t agree.

21. Becky | Jul 16, 2008 | Reply

    Let’s see I am a mother to 4 and have co-slept with all of them. I would never do it again, although I believed in it, that is how my son died Jan 25, 2008. I have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life. SIDS would have been an easier cause to deal with. Any amount of convience or bonding time in bed is not worth it. Co-sleeping deaths are 100% preventable and I am trying to help reform co-sleepers.

22. Becki | Jul 17, 2008 | Reply

    Wow, how did I miss this post?

    I am not going to argue it because I think every parent does what is right for them in this matter. I will just tell you that both my kids have and still do sleep in my bed. My son slep in our bed from one month on and now he goes down in his bed but will usually around 3-4am pop into ours. My daughter slept up until about her 2nd birthday in her bed, then she got very sick and started being clingy and we brought her into bed with us and she has been coming in just like her brother ever since. For us it is fine. We are happy - they are happy - and we don’t worry about squishing, smothering, or anything. BUT, that is us. For you it may be totally different and that is ok! Saying someone is “obtuse” is just plain rude - each parent does what they feel is right in this matter. Frankly, the majority of countries on this earth accept co-sleeping as perfectly natural. Here in the U.S. it is taboo - whatever, different strokes for different folks. In my house it is a normal thing and for me that is all that matters.

    Angela, I always respect your opinion and I thank you for starting this debate.

23. Becki | Jul 17, 2008 | Reply

    I do want to ask one thing though of your commentors - why are you all so defensive? Angela is entitled to her opinions just as we who co-cleep are entitled to ours. So we co-sleep, big deal. So she doesn’t - who cares. Seriously, why do moms do this crap? There is not a one size fits all brand of parenting - I wish moms out there would realize that it is ok if we are different in how we raise our kids. co-sleeping, breast feeding, clother diapers, whatever - the arguing is stupid. Do what is right for you and don’t insult others who choose something different!

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